Saturday, April 25, 2009

In Christ Alone

This is a bit post date...my heart has needed some time to process all I wanted to share...

Easter.
Its a time of reflection.  This year was especially poignant.  
Last year on Easter, we took our baby out in public for the first time.  She was gowned in a dress her grandmother smocked, bonnet tied with a bow, but no one got within a couple feet of her.  
I made sure of that. 
Tucked tightly in the Snugglie with a blanket over her so no one would breathe on her, I held her through church.  I faced an uncertainty that gripped my heart.  I wont call it an intuition.  More likely, it was just fear rearing its ugly head, but I had an unsettling premonition that Evie could not be long for this world.  She seemed too fragile.  Those eyes stared at me with a wisdom beyond her years.  Our brush with death left me shaken.  There is no way to walk through what we have unchanged.  
Last Easter, tears streamed down my face as I listened to the powerful words of the following hymn.  Could it be more perfect?

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

I have had to lean hard on those words repeatedly this year.  Evie has had some heart-wrenching scenario's thrown at her...
Cystic Fibrosis Tests
Lung Biopsies
Testing for HIV from blood transfusions
Pulmonary Hypertension
Failure to Thrive
Asthma
GERD
Reactive Airway Disease
Recurrent hospital stays
Hundreds of blood draws
Repeat infections
Medications
Monitors
Sedation
Surgeries
This year has been a process.  I wont begin to say that I have "arrived", but so thankfully, the Lord continues to pursue my heart through so many humbling human fears and failures.  This Easter, I reflect on the countless answers to prayer that have seen us through this last year.  With these little "heart babies" I dont think you ever totally feel you are "in the clear", but she has overcome so much!  He who knows unbearable pain and heartache, who was "scorned by those He came to save" is not indifferent to the suffering of His little ones.  
What a consolation that is!
He carries some through.  He calls some home.  He is Commander of Destiny.  Giver of Life.  Lord!
Im only just beginning to wrap my mind around the depth of peace He desires me to live in.  Gently, He is leading me on that solid ground of faith in Him.  Here, in the power of Christ, I stand!

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.


We were blessed to celebrate this year with my family in Atlanta.  No, this is not a Sunday School Picnic picture below.  I am proudly the 4th of ELEVEN siblings.  Pictured below are about half....and only 5 of the 13 grandchildren!!


4 comments:

Kelly said...

Amen sister!!! I am speechless.....In awe of God!! Beautiful pics....as always! =) Love you!

taylor said...

Thank you for so honestly sharing your heart and your story! I'm so glad that I get to see you very soon!

katherine said...

Jesus commands my destiny....
So true. We sang this in church last week too. i love it, so powerful, so applicable to us all.
Praising God again for the miracle of Evies life, and each of ours as we live by grace.

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