"Bye Bye Baby, Baby Goodbye"

Posting this quickly before I loose my nerve and go and scoop her up and put her back in her crib.

Look who is in a big girl bed!!

For the first time in 11 years!! we are going to bed tonight without a "baby" in a crib in our room.

Yes.  I know how ridiculous that will sound to some of you.

What can I say? I love the baby stage and have hung onto it as long as I can!

Granted, I am 100% sure that she will wander into our room sometime between 11:00pm and 2:00am dragging all her paraphanalia and wedge herself between C and I (she's rotten!).  

So this shouldn't be a big deal.

But it is…..

Today I was having a particularly difficult Mommy day.

3 kids home sick (hand foot & month disease + a stomach virus = no fun!)

Tired mommy.

Needy kids.

One of those where I just felt like none of my kids were getting what they needed from me.  I was spread thin and feeling inadequate to meet the incessant needs of many small children.

I was feeling like a failure.  

So when Gigi decided to gather her lovies and march herself to the big girls room all on her own tonight, I gulped over the lump in my throat and let her call the shots.

Last week she decided she was done with diapers and potty trained in a day.

Today she ditched the crib and climbed into a big girl bed.

And my heart sings….and cries at the same time!

I have relished every, single, precious moment of her "baby-hood".  Gigi has been such a redeeming gift and blessing to get to "do a baby" one more time with a sense of "normalcy" that was lacking with our last baby.  With great joy I watch her growing and thriving and maturing.  But its also with a welling sense of "empty nest syndrome", I watch her stepping out in independence.  

Ive grown so accustom to having a baby on my hip and a toddler tugging at my hem…this is new territory, and Im not sure I know my place.  Feeling a little lost.  Sure I still have littles who need their mommy, but this is a new stage for me with more freedom….that Im not sure I like.

(goodness….Im going to be a mess when its time to let them go to college!) 

Needing fresh grace today for the unique challenges that are arising with children entering a new stage of life.  I have pre-teens now (when did that happen!?)  Determined to embrace the demeanor of the Proverbs 31 woman who is "clothed with strength and dignity and can laugh at the days to come".

Don't want to loose sight of the joy of today because I am looking back and wishing it could be so again.  Falling on grace to equip me for a new season…a new chapter of mothering.  Blessed beyond measure to take part in this high-calling of nurturing these precious 6 lives Im blessed to have call me "Mom"!

Clearly, she doesn't share any of my inhibitions!!  

Special thanks to my sweet friend Kathleen for making and sending Gigi her lovely "memory quilt" pieced together from all her outfits from her first year!  What a special gift!!

Birthday and Re-Birth

Today we celebrate.

Today we remember.

We released balloons to commemorate a little girl who has left in indelible imprint on our hearts forever.

We watched them sail off into the sky and our conversation turned to heaven….and healed hearts…..and eternity.

Every year we remember, but this year, her flood of tears completely took my by surprise.

"Mommy" she sobbed after releasing the balloons, 

"I just don't want to wait.  Im ready.  I want to be in heaven now! I want to see her (Annabelle) and be with Jesus"

This is what I desire for each of my children….a homesickness for heaven and awareness that this is not our home.  But her wisdom beyond her years has always been a bittersweet trait.

"Mommy, I want to be in heaven because I know there are no more tears."

"Grandma says there will be a special place for me there, right?"

"Is it true that this isn't our real home, but our real home is in heaven?"

"If I die before you, will I have to wait a long time until you come?"

"But when? WHEN will I get to go?"

"Mom, I want to go now, I don't want to wait until Im like a hundred years old like you, I want to go when Im six".

Weighty words coming from a six-year-old.  He has set eternity in her heart.  

She skipped off to the playground……..then bounced back,

 "Ok, Im ready, I want to invite Jesus into my heart".

We talked about sin and our need for a Savior.  And about grace and forgiveness and the finished work of Jesus at the cross.  And she got it.  In her innocent, receptive, beautiful heart, she got it.  She came home and with her daddy and I by her side, prayed a simple childlike prayer to ask Jesus into her heart….to take away sin and forgive her and give her new life and relationship with Him.

For this day we have prayed for 6 years.  For our daughter to come to know Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior.  To see her walking in relationship with Him.  No greater joy!  Our little "Evangeline" ("bringer of light") now carries The Light in her heart!

And as I kissed her goodnight, her precious words rang with conviction, 

"Goodnight mom.  If I die tonight, Ill see you in heaven!"

This world pales in comparison to the joy set before us!

Great cause for celebration in the heavens today!

Today we remember and honor Evie's very first friend Annabelle - happy birthday little angel!!

Today celebrate Evie's re-birthday - only God could draw her to Himself in such sweet timing!!

My heart (and eyes) overflow!

Great is Thy Faithfulness!!

Daily Dose of Vitamin Gigi

People ask us frequently how we spell her name.  The correct answer: T-R-O-U-B-L-E!!

This girl's got more personality in her baby finger than we can handle.

She rocked a fun little photoshoot for my friend Margaret showing off some of Luna Belle Boutique's swanky summer styles.

Be jealous….modeling sundresses in January.  Not too shabby!

Not gonna lie…this living overseas thing has its perks!

Here's your daily dose of Vitamin Gigi….

6th Birthday Tradition

Its a family tradition!

My grandpa made one for me on my 6th birthday.

And did the same for my 3 sisters.

C took on the challenge with Abi and Britain and Izzy.

This year it was Evies turn to add a cute Charleston style pale yellow Victorian home to our lovely miniature neighborhood.

They say it takes a village to raise a child.

SO grateful for Lin and Rasee for helping me carry on this tradition so far from home.  We got the very last Victorian dollhouse in South East Asia, Im pretty sure!

Being that she got both her daddys organizational OCD :) and her mommas knack for decorating, she approaches dollhouse play a bit different from your average 6 year old.  Instead of make-believe interaction with the tiny dolls, she is interested only in organizing rooms and rearranging furniture….and not too pleased when Gigi takes to dollhouse play in a more traditional manner.

Evie - my child whom when she was only 2 would take paper dolls and arrange rows of undergarments, skirts, dresses, accessories and never cared to actually "play" or dress them.  Just organize their closet.  I see a personal assistant position in her future.

Or at least a lucky husband who will have his closet immaculately color-coded.

Happy Birthday darling!

Enjoy every minute of your beautiful girlhood!

Bangkok Decoded

Today marks a year since we embarked on this crazy adventure and moved our brood to Bangkok Thailand.  

Atlanta airport en route to Bangkok 2013

We've grown to love our new home and the precious people here.  Here are the highlights and lowlights of surviving our first year…..

20 Things we've learned:

1) Asians take pictures of everything - especially cute white American children

2) Every skin care product in this country has whitening components.  And it's not a compliment if someone tells you you are tan.

3) They say what they mean.  Never has it been more blatant than when I sat down for a foot massage one day.   "Ooooh," gushed the lady attending me "Such a pretty face"… (the eyebrow raised) …".but not pretty feet!"

4) And hour long foot massage in Bangkok cost the equivalent of a value meal at McDonalds in the states.

5) Pack your sundresses and flip flops when coming to Bangkok.  And bring a heavy down jacket as well for shopping malls and restaurants.  These folks love their air conditioning!

6) Do not sit by a Buddhist monk on Bangkok Transport System - this will result in an embarrassing exchange where you will be asked to switch seats.

7) When you are six-foot-two-inches and are shopping in India and Asia among petite people, "One size" does not in fact "fit all"

dress for them = shirt for me

8) You will not see a Thai couple go out for dinner, coffee or dessert without snapping at least a dozen Instagram photos of their lattes.

9) These lovely mild-mannered, gracious people always smile.  Even when the taxi driver is telling you "meter broke" and charging you 400 baht for a 30 baht ride.

10) Motorbike taxis are the surest way to breeze through traffic when in a hurry.  It's a thrilling ride, but it might be your last! Close your eyes and hold on for dear life.

11) Southeast Asian mosquitos are not tiny pests that bite.  Oh no!  They are flesh eating carnivores!

12) Western hospitals are not only where we go for medical emergencies.  It's a great spot to grab a Starbucks, listen to live piano music and enjoy free wifi!

balloon artist at the hospital

13) Street odors can be foul, overwhelming and nauseating.  Carry a dryer lint sheet to hold to your nose when walking through wet market to ward off the dry heave! (tip from my awesome SIL Michelle!)

14) You need to develop some serious ninja moves before walking the streets and trying to dodge sun-umbrellas, low hanging electrical wires, pot holes, construction debris, vats of hot oil right at eye level, and the Thai grandma who wants to pinch your toddlers cheeks.

15) Mapquest will say you live 12 minutes from your designated location. Figure in Bangkok traffic and 180 second traffic lights, and you will arrive by next Wednesday.

16) Non absorbent tissue paper is substituted for paper napkins and kleenex for toilet paper.

17) Mall toilets are space age contraptions that may result in flooding the bathroom and getting "poo water" sprayed on you when your 5 year old decides to experiment with buttons.

18) When dining out, keep in mind that food never comes out together...or in any particular order.  So, when you choose an appetizer, entree and dessert from a set menu, don't be surprised when your brownie ala modè comes out first.

19) NYC ain't got nothin' on Bangkok when it comes to shopping.  There are often 3 massive malls at any major intersection.  Shop till you drop...that is, if you have the means for Prada and Dolce Gabbana

20) There really is no limit to the number of people who can cram on one motorbike!

"Thank You" - a glance back 6 years later

Today she turned 6.

Every year, I picture how Ill react next year around her birthday.  I imagine myself a bit older, wiser and emotionally unshakable.  Surely with another 365 days behind me, Ill be able to put it all behind me too and commemorate a birthday with no unsettling memories shrouding the celebration.

Every year….Im wrong.

birthday date with daddy

January stirs it all back up for me every year.

I can remember every day leading up to her 2 week post-date delivery.  I can recall in vivid detail the week and a half we had her home and thought she was "normal".  My mind wanders often to the "what if's".  The phantom "could-have-been" moments that looking back we know may have been her last.  We were oblivious to the storm that was brewing.

Today we celebrate 6 years of answered prayers and miracles but are still haunted at times by the trauma of those first weeks and years.  Im fighting off the feelings that could send me spiraling into an emotional tizzy.  Sometimes, the memories are still so raw and vivid.

But today, as we celebrated another birthday for our little miracle-girl, all I can breathe through the welling bitter-sweet tears is "thank you!"

Thank you falls so inadequately short for all of you who shouldered our unbearable burden with us and held us up in prayer!  You were Aaron and Hur for us!  

Wendy, I still wonder if you’d not raised questions about her breathing, what would have happened!  You were impetus to get her checked - so glad we did!

Judy, your presence in those first frightening utterly "blue" moments and friendship that followed was a gift!
Allison, Jeff and James who showed up at the hospital only a few hours after our frenzied drive following the LifeFlight chopper - thank you.  Thank you for crying with us, footing our hotel bill and praying for peace for our hurting hearts.

Precious Katherine, for dropping your life and coming to hold ours together, we are so grateful.  Thank you for “mothering” our other 4 children and offering them stability in such an unsettling time!

My mother was our constant by our side...advocating for us, making sure we were eating, had beds to sleep in and were supported in every way.  She wept with us over Evie’s bedside and prayed us through some dark nights.  Daddy too who did everything he could even while caring for his own daughter also in a medical crisis - thank you!

Aunt Anya, you took moms place so she could come to our side.  Bless you!

Joy and Bryna, our precious nurses.  You cared for our Evie with such tenderness and compassion.  Thank you the reassurance and comfort you offered.  Joy, when you told me “everything will be ok and someday she will come running back through these doors when she’s 3 or 4 to visit us”, I dont know if you really believed it.  She was at her very worst then, but it was exactly what this momma needed to hear!  

Amanda, thank you for sharing your husband.  Yours is a thankless job at times I know as he spends long hours caring for these babies and you have to shoulder all the responsibility at home.  We are so thankful for Dr. Forbus and Dr. Bradley!!

God knows some of the sweetest relationships have been birthed out of the most brokenness.  For my precious Rebecca and those early weeks our daughters spent together, I will forever cherish.  Thank you friend for teaching me to celebrate.  To celebrate every moment knowing it could be the last. Thank you for introducing me to hairbows!  And thank you for the hope your example has offered that come what may, God is enough!

We had meals catered in, a vehicle offered to us and a gorgeous Charleston home at our disposal.  God lavished on blessings and loved us through so many who generously gave and served us.  You all know who you are, too numerous to name.  Thank you for giving, serving, praying and loving!  Tabitha, I will never forget the gorgeous gift basket you delivered celebrating our new baby - something that is easily forgotten in the midst of a medical crisis.

Janalee, your simple gesture to sit with me and paint my toe nails and just genuinely be a friend to me is not forgotten!

Our church family rallied.  Laura, you and Emma were so precious to come and pick us up when it was finally time to go home. 

My inlaws Dwight and Patti were there for the long-haul.  They watched the kids for countless tests, proceedures and hospitalizations in the months that followed.  So grateful to have in-laws like you!

Faith, you have been the one friend who “gets it”.  So glad we’ve had eachother for those PTSD moments.  Thank you for constantly talking it down with me when I need it most and for loving my girl as your own.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.  Never would I want to go through it all again, but never have I felt so loved and cared for.  

Glancing back 6 years later.  Loving each of you who have walked this road with us and loved our girl through the storms.

God has and continues to teach us so much through her life.

Grateful!

Eucharisteo!